Assertiveness Succeeds

2007-06-14T14:52:00.001-05:00

Good Advice

Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something and that this thing must be attained.
--Marie Curie Polish-French chemist

Confidence is a habit that can be developed by acting as if you already had the confidence you desire to have.
--Brian Tracy

Your self-confidence is directly connected to how much you feel you are making a difference in your world.
--Brian Tracy

2007-06-10T15:24:00.001-05:00

Celebrate Each and Every Success

A key to overcoming anxiety or whatever is getting in your path to more progress is to celebrate your successes. Small successes form the foundation of greater successes and happiness. Celebrate them!

Think of your 'inner power' as a muscle just like any other muscle. The more you use it, the more toned it becomes and the more you are able to accomplish. Every time you practice a healthy life strategy, you actually increase your ability to conquer your anxiety. What you couldnÌt do yesterday, you can do today. With practice, your new skills will become automatic. The more you practice healthy life strategies, the more you are able to prevent false alarms that set off your fight or flight response and result in anxiety.

With continued practice and a commitment to changing for the better, you will continue to become more skilled in conquering your anxiety and creating the life you want. Remember, any positive change is a reason to celebrate!

2007-06-06T16:21:00.000-05:00

Book List for Success
Through Assertiveness

The Power of Positive Confrontation: The Skills You Need to Know to Handle Conflicts at Work, at Home, and in Life by Barbara Pachter

Civilized Assertiveness for Women: Communication with Backbone...not Bite by Judith Selee, Ph.D. McClure

The Assertive Woman (Personal Growth) by Stanlee Phelps

30 Minutes to Self-Confidence + How to Be Assertive...and Well Liked! (Super Strength) by Bob Griswold

The Assertive Option: Your Rights and Responsibilities by Patricia Jakubowski

2007-06-01T14:49:00.000-05:00

Self-Confidence:
New Friends
Magnet Too

A famous actor once said in a commercial: "Self-confidence is very sexy, don't you think?" Of course, he was right.

When you've met someone and felt drawn to what you might call their magnetism, haven't they always projected a sense of self-confidence? They were magnetic because of a strong self image and were anything but passive.Such magnetism is the very thing that makes some, if not most, people popular. They have lots of friends because their confidence is attractive, even sexy, and draws people to them. Passive people seldom project that same kind of magnetism.

What can you do if you want to make more new friends? Be more self-confident, show people you like yourself and have a good self image. How? One way is being warm and open when you meet someone and looking them in the eyes.That sounds so simple, but many people do the opposite. They seem cold and their eyes look away because they lack self-esteem.

Interestingly, all of the above is true for someone making a speech: you want to project warmth and openness as you approach the speaking platform and look out at your audience. Passivity screams weak self image, unsure of yourself.

Also, every good speaker looks the audience in the eyes, one by one if in a small crowd, but even in a larger group the best speakers connect with their eyes, as well as their voices, thus projecting warmth and self-confidence.

That is not only successful, but also sexy, whether you want an audience of 1 or 100 to like and accept you.

2007-05-27T15:53:00.000-05:00

Books on Assertiveness

The Assertiveness Workbook: How to Express Your Ideas and Stand Up for Yourself at Work and in Relationships by Randy J. Paterson Ph.D.

The Disease To Please by Harriet Braiker

The Power of Positive Confrontation: The Skills You Need to Know to Handle Conflicts at Work, at Home and in Life by Barbara Pachter

When I Say No, I Feel Guilty by Manuel J. Smith

Civilized Assertiveness for Women: Communication with Backbone...not Bite by Judith Selee, Ph.D. McClure

2007-05-23T17:35:00.000-05:00

Assertiveness Vs. Aggressiveness

Think of assertiveness as being firm, but polite. It's a mindset that says "I want to win, but I'm not going to walk over you to do it-I'm going to respect what you want and work to help you win also."

Aggressiveness, on the other hand, is firm but impolite. The aggressive person says "I'm going to win, and I don't care if you get what you want." Milder forms are more ambivalent: "I don't care whether or not you get your needs met." Full-court press aggressiveness wants the other person to lose no matter what.

By the way, non-assertiveness is polite (considerate of other people's perspectives), but not firm-that is, unwilling to stand up for one's own needs. Non-assertive people need to understand the differences between assertiveness and aggressiveness so that when they do step forward to get their needs met they don't go overboard and step on everyone else.

2007-05-19T10:56:00.001-05:00

Good Advice

Confidence is a habit that can be developed by acting as if you already had the confidence you desire to have.
--Brian Tracy

Your self-confidence is directly connected to how much you feel you are making a difference in your world.
--Brian Tracy

2007-05-14T15:30:00.000-05:00

This photo is Lake Louise in Banff Park
in the province of Alberta in Canada.

A Note on Photos

For all who asked about getting photos,
I use free ones from yotophoto, they're
great and then I use

google free pic organizer

PICASA...... you can get that free

by clicking on the link at bottom
of this blog.

good luck to all dave

and don't miss two blogs that will
help you build vital self-confidence:

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
http://browniesforbreakfast.blogspot.com
http://assertivenesssucceeds.blogspot.com
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

--
and please look at two blogs that will
show you great photos from around
the world:

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
http://waterfallsuplift.blogspot.com
http://dreamy-destinations.blogspot.com
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

2007-05-06T17:21:00.000-05:00

Good Advice

I can't understand why people are frightened of new ideas. I'm frightened of the old ones.

- John Cage

The best way to have a good idea is to have lots of ideas.
- Linus Pauling

It is not enough to know how to ride. You must also know how to fall.
- Mexican Proverb

There's nothing in the middle of the road but yellow stripes and dead armadillos
- Jim Hightower

Do not confuse motion and progress. A rocking horse keeps moving but does not make any progress.
- Alfred A. Montapert

Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to the end, requires some of the same courage which a soldier needs.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

2007-05-02T15:27:00.001-05:00

Tips To Improve Your Self-Confidence

by: Thomas Bekkar

Self-confidence is an important key to success in any walk of life. People with self-confidence are noticed more. They achieve their goals relatively easily. In contrast, people who lack self-confidence often end up being losers. You need to build your self-confidence if you want to do well in life.

Here are tips that can help you build that sometimes elusive self-confidence:

1. Self-confidence is found in people who have a healthy self-esteem. They know their personal worth, and act accordingly. A good way to improve your personal worth is to make a list of your accomplishments every day. You will be surprised to know how many positive acts you perform every day in life, but which you don't notice. Once you start looking at this list, your self-confidence will boom.

2. Be clear about your goals. If need be, break your goals into smaller, more manageable tasks. Pat yourself every time you achieve a minor goal. It will boost your self-confidence and help you achieve bigger goals.

3. Find a mentor who can help you reach your goals. Most people, who have done well in life, have a mentor who has traveled the same road on which they are traveling today. Meet your mentor regularly and seek advice and support as a routine. You will find that you are learning something valuable every day.

4. Socialize with people who are positive and supportive, who like and respect you. Give them the same support and respect that they give you. Avoid people who are negative and critical of you. Such people erode your self-confidence. They make you look at your negative self, and not your positive self. After some time, you get enveloped in their cynical and negative world-view. Nothing can be more damaging than that. Dump such friends as soon as you can.

5. Don't be afraid of failures. Take them in your stride and move on. Say to yourself that you will succeed the next time. Never make the mistake of allowing your failures to overwhelm you. They will force you into a shell and destroy your self-confidence. A better way is to see your failures as something inconsequential, and take on a new challenge. Of course, you must learn from your mistakes and be realistic about your abilities. People who try to over-reach often fall down. You should not allow that to happen in the name of self-confidence.

6. Keep yourself fit by exercising regularly and controlling your diet. A fit and healthy person is much more active and achieves more in work. Physical fitness, like self-confidence, glows on your face.

7. Have a wide range of interests, and take an active interest in what's going on in the world. Meet and talk to a lot of people. Don't focus all your attention only on your work and on your problems. Divert your attention to new interests, and new tasks. This will keep your mind happily occupied, and boost your self-confidence.

2007-04-28T10:42:00.001-05:00

and don't miss two blogs which I'm very proud of:

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
http://see-your-future.blogspot.com
http://dreamy-destinations.blogspot.com
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

2007-04-25T22:58:00.000-05:00

Good Advice

Every act of conscious learning requires the willingness to suffer an injury to one's self-esteem. That is why young children, before they are aware of their own self-importance, learn so easily.
Thomas Szasz

Outstanding leaders go out of their way to boost the self-esteem of their personnel. If people believe in themselves, it's amazing what they can accomplish.
Sam Walton

No one else can take risks for us, or face our losses on our behalf, or give us self-esteem. No one can spare us from life's slings and arrows, and when death comes, we meet it alone.
Martha Beck

2007-04-22T11:01:00.000-05:00

Quotes on Self-Confidence

No one is perfect... that's why pencils have erasers. ~Author Unknown

A man would do nothing if he waited until he could do it so well that no one could find fault. ~John Henry Newman

Once you accept the fact that you're not perfect, then you develop some confidence. ~Rosalyn Carter

There are no perfect men in this world, only perfect intentions. ~Pen Densham, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves

The imperfections of a man, his frailties, his faults, are just as important as his virtues. You can't separate them. They're wedded. ~Henry Miller

"Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently." - Henry Ford

"Try not to become a man of success but rather try to become a man of value." - Albert Einstein

Fear is static that prevents me from hearing my intuition. - Hugh Prather

2007-04-18T14:50:00.000-05:00

Good Advice

I can't understand why people are frightened of new ideas. I'm frightened of the old ones.

- John Cage

The best way to have a good idea is to have lots of ideas.
- Linus Pauling

It is not enough to know how to ride. You must also know how to fall.
- Mexican Proverb

There's nothing in the middle of the road but yellow stripes and dead armadillos
- Jim Hightower

Do not confuse motion and progress. A rocking horse keeps moving but does not make any progress.
- Alfred A. Montapert

2007-04-15T15:53:00.000-05:00

Tips To Improve Your Self-Confidence

by: Thomas Bekkar

Here are tips that can help you build that sometimes elusive self-confidence:

2007-04-11T22:35:00.001-05:00

Morning Notes by Hugh Prather

The Little Book of Letting Go by Hugh Prather

Shining Through by Hugh Prather

Spiritual Notes to Myself by Hugh Prather

How to Live in the World and Still Be Happy

by Hugh Prather

I Will Never Leave You by Gayle and Hugh Prather

Spiritual Parenting by Gayle and Hugh Prather

Notes to Myself by Hugh Prather

2007-04-07T10:19:00.000-05:00

Good Advice

There is a fine line between assertiveness and being relaxed.
Justin Guarini

The basic difference between being assertive and being aggressive is how our words and behavior affect the rights and well being of others.
Sharon Anthony Bower

To establish true self-esteem we must concentrate on our successes and forget about the failures and the negatives in our lives.
Denis Waitley

2007-04-03T12:35:00.000-05:00

Shakespeare and Self-Confidence

Shakespeare said approximately, comparisons are odious or odorus. I say both.

Yet everyone does compare themselves to others, specially friends and acquaintaces, sometimes even more foolishly, celebrities and people in the news. Stop it. You are your own unique self and you can't logically compare yourself to anyone else.

Comparisons often are either negative self-talk to tear yourself down or inner bragging telling yourself your better than someone else.
Neither is useful.
Use your time better and simply appreciate what and who you are.
Spend that time working to be even more than you are today, and you will find even more success pouring into your life until your "cup" starts that delicious running over.

Comparing yourself to other is a self-defeating game. When you hear that inner negative talk, immediately turn it off and start counting your successes, the very good reasons you have for being more self-confident today and having more self-esteem. You'll love how it looks on you.

and don't miss two blogs that will
show you great photos from around
the world:

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
http://waterfallsuplift.blogspot.com
http://dreamy-destinations.blogspot.com
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

2007-03-29T14:46:00.000-06:00

Don't Let Negative Self-Talk
Dent Your Self-Confidence !

Developing more self-confidence and self-esteem has been a consistent theme of this blog. There are so many reasons why that is important and why it's the best gift you can give yourself today or any day. Like winning a race or getting an A+ on a final exam, it just makes you feel good and so much better about yourself.

Those good feeling allow you to face the next challenge, problem or opportunity with more strength and self-assurance to insure your next victory. So, today and in the coming days in this blog we'll develop a plan, a paint by the numbers, if you will, to be certain you are becoming more confident and feeling more self-esteem each day. It will be fun and feel almost as good as winning that race.

First, you should learn to be alert to the self-talk that goes on in your head, as it does in everyone's brain. If the conversation is negative, if you see you're putting yourself down or calling yourself negative names, the stop. Stop when you hear that negativism and oppose it with the facts about your own worthy self. You deserve to love yourself first among all people.

Next, promise yourself to silence the inner critic, which perhaps you learned from too severe parenting or wherever. Oppose that negative self-talk by building yourself up as a coach on a sports team would build up his players in the locker room.

Root for your self. Be your own best cheerleader. More suggestions to come in the next blog, as to how you will learn to admire and appreciate your inner hero and live that for all to see. Why not, it's very attractive. Your friends may think you got a new hair style or started working out more. You will be more attractive for all to see.

2007-03-26T13:30:00.000-06:00

A Note on Photos

For all who asked about getting photos,
I use free ones from yotophoto, they're
great and then I use

google free pic organizer

PICASA...... you can get that free

by clicking on the link at bottom
of this blog.

You can also click on the
photos to enlarge the picture.

2007-03-23T16:44:00.000-06:00

Skills of an Assertive Person

One of the great skills of an assertive person is the ability to say "no". Be brief and to the point. Be honest. If you know an unwelcome request is coming your way practice saying "no" in advance. What are you going to say and do? If necessary, use the 'Broken Record Technique' where you just keep repeating your statement softly, calmly and persistently.

Don't confuse rejecting a request with rejecting the person making the request. Most people are happy to accept an honest "no" if it is expressed appropriately. The first time will be the hardest!

Practice the body movements of an assertive person. When standing, be upright and relaxed with open hand gestures. Relax your facial features and make firm and direct eye contact with whomever you are communicating. This does not mean that you spend the day grinning! Your facial expression needs to be appropriate to how you are feeling, so that you don't give out any mixed messages. If you are pleased, smile, but if you aren't so happy with the way things are, feel free to frown.

Show a willingness to explore other solutions than your own if necessary. Encourage creativity from all. "How can we solve this problem?" will encourage others to tap into their resourcefulness. Sometimes it just takes a bit of encouragement.

Weigh the costs. Telling other people how you feel also makes it easier for them to communicate their feelings to you. Assertiveness is about acknowledging that all opinions are important – "I matter and so do you".

By being passive or aggressive you will lose out. Being assertive costs nothing but brings many benefits. You will be able to communicate better, command respect and be listened to within respectful, negotiating relationships. Win-Win? Definitely!

About The Author

Kate Harper is based in the beautiful Highlands of Scotland. Check out her website http://www.harpercoaching.com .

2007-03-19T19:15:00.000-06:00

Quotes on Self-Confidence

"Confidence is preparation. Everything else is beyond your control."

Richard Kline

"Confidence comes not from always being right but from not fearing to be wrong."

Peter Mcintyre

"You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love & affection."

Buddha

"Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new."

Albert Einstein

"Let the world know you as you are, not as you think you should be, because sooner or later, if you are posing, you will forget the pose, and then where are you?"

Fanny Brice

"Other people's opinion of you does not have to become your reality."

Les Brown

"It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes."

Sally Field

2007-03-15T19:16:00.000-06:00

Assertiveness Begins
With Self-Esteem

Self-esteem requires being true to yourself, to your own genuine feelings and desires; otherwise you're a fake.

You can't have high self-esteem and truly respect yourself unless you are living your life honestly and in the way your deepest needs demand. Not what a parent, a pastor, or a friend or spouse thinks you should do, you can only build self-respect on the foundation of doing what your most honest self thinks you should do and be.

Again, Shakespeare said, approximately, to thine ownself be true, and as the night follows the day, you cannot be false to anyone else. For some that takes work, being true to yourself, and this article and the others in this blog will lead you to that vital goal.

The work starts with talking to yourself in your inner self-talk positively, affirmatively and being very careful not to let the negative slip in. Happily, as you talk to yourself in a more loving and positive way, you will speak that same way to others---making yourself more popular, desired and loved by others. Now isn't that a nice way to live.

--
and don't miss a blog that will
help you build vital self-confidence:

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
http://browniesforbreakfast.blogspot.com
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

2007-03-12T16:21:00.001-06:00

Good Advice

"About all you can do in life is be who you are. Some people will love you for you. Most will love you for what you can do for them, and some won't like you at all."

Rita Mae Brown quotes (American Writer, b. 1944)

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. " santiz

Dr. Seuss quotes (American Writer and Cartoonist best known for his collection of children's books. 1904-1991)

Confidence is a habit that can be developed by acting as if you already had the confidence you desire to have.
--Brian Tracy

2007-03-09T22:15:00.000-06:00

Self-Confidence: New Friends Magnet Too

A famous actor once said in a commercial: "Self-confidence is very sexy, don't you think?" Of course, he was right.

When you've met someone and felt drawn to what you might call their magnetism, haven't they always projected a sense of self-confidence? They were magnetic because of a strong self image and were anything but passive.Such magnetism is the very thing that makes some, if not most, people popular. They have lots of friends because their confidence is attractive, even sexy, and draws people to them. Passive people seldom project that same kind of magnetism.

What can you do if you want to make more new friends? Be more self-confident, show people you like yourself and have a good self image. How? One way is being warm and open when you meet someone and looking them in the eyes.That sounds so simple, but many people do the opposite. They seem cold and their eyes look away because they lack self-esteem.

Interestingly, all of the above is true for someone making a speech: you want to project warmth and openness as you approach the speaking platform and look out at your audience. Passivity screams weak self image, unsure of yourself.

Also, every good speaker looks the audience in the eyes, one by one if in a small crowd, but even in a larger group the best speakers connect with their eyes, as well as their voices, thus projecting warmth and self-confidence.

That is not only successful, but also sexy, whether you want an audience of 1 or 100 to like and accept you.

2007-03-02T11:06:00.000-06:00

2007-03-02T10:53:00.000-06:00

Surprise! Self-Congratulations Is a Key To Growing Self-Confidence

A few minutes of self-congratulations is anything but indulgent, it's the very least you deserve and the most helpful shield you can have against negative self-talk, which lowers self-esteem. Thanks yous and congratulations aren't just for others.

In fact, you'll draw others to yourself and hear them saying thank you for so many things if, indeed, you are diligent about congratulating yourself for successes. This counts toward your necessary daily inventory of self-confidence and savoring your many victories.

Savor and watch others be drawn to you like moths to the flame because self-confidence is very sexy, don't you think? Some consider it immodest to bask in the glittering glow of their own success.

So don't look too impressed with yourself, but inside give lingering consideration to another notch of success, another victory on the bedpost of your imagination.

A famous actress once said of her longtime partner in life that he woke happy every morning. If you wake and begin your daily inventory of the success and good in your life, you'll get a happy start to your day---even if you don't wake up with a famous actress in your arms.

You have something actually better: your own deeply appreciated self and why of all the people in the world shouldn't you love yourself? If you don't, you can't truly love anyone else.

2007-02-26T21:42:00.000-06:00

Morning Notes by Hugh Prather

The Little Book of Letting Go by Hugh Prather

Shining Through by Hugh Prather

Spiritual Notes to Myself by Hugh Prather

How to Live in the World and Still Be Happy

by Hugh Prather

I Will Never Leave You by Gayle and Hugh Prather

Spiritual Parenting by Gayle and Hugh Prather

Notes to Myself by Hugh Prather

2007-02-20T14:51:00.000-06:00

Shakespeare Warned of B.O.:
Bad Odors of Comparisons

Shakespeare said approximately, comparisons are odious or odorus.
I say both.

Yet everyone does compare themselves to others, specially friends and acquaintaces, sometimes even more foolishly, celebrities and people in the news. Stop it.

You are your own unique self and you can't logically compare yourself to anyone else. Comparisons often are either negative self-talk to tear yourself down or inner bragging telling yourself your better than someone else.

Neither is useful. Use your time better and simply appreciate what and who you are. Spend that time working to be even more than you are today, and you will find even more success pouring into your life until your "cup" starts that delicious running over.

Comparing yourself to other is a self-defeating game. When you hear that inner negative talk, immediately turn it off and start counting your successes, the very good reasons you have for being more self-confident today and having more self-esteem.

You'll love how it looks on you.

2007-02-18T09:54:00.001-06:00

2007-02-16T07:55:00.000-06:00

Some really good news:

2 of my blogs were reviewed

on "Critique My Blog" this week,

and here's the review----

Paint some happy trees!

http://browniesforbreakfast.blogspot.com

http://waterfallsuplift.blogspot.com

Both blogs are about positive energy.
The posts are inspiring and thought
provoking and the goal is to help the
reader succeed in life. The photos in
the waterfall blog are great and make
me want to walk right through some
of them to feel the mist. Both blogs are
worth a look as the posts are well written
and helpful.

2007-02-12T13:58:00.001-06:00

Book List

The Assertiveness Workbook:
How to Express Your Ideas and Stand Up for Yourself
at Work and in Relationships
Randy J. Paterson Ph.D.

Book Description
This self-directed program teaches readers to speak up and
say what they mean at work and at home. Written supportively,
it uses proven cognitive behavioral techniques to help individuals
build self-confidence, set boundaries, and
determine appropriate responses.

Complete Idiot's Guide to Assertiveness

by MBA, CMC, Jeff Davidson

Book Description
This book gives a boost to anyone who has has felt paralyzed
in the face of an opposing viewpoint or an imposing individual.
Individuals can at last express their ideas, stand up
for themselves in relationships (spouses, parents, in-laws, kids)
and at work (managers), and get attention in the business world.
Readers learn how to build self-confidence and find out
when its appropriateand often essentialto be assertive.

Jeff Davidson, MBA, CMC, is author of 18 books,
including The Complete Idiots Guide to Managing Stress
and The Complete Idiots Guide to Managing Your Time.
He lives in Chapel Hill, North Carolina

Self-Assertion for Women

Pamela E. Butler

ANNOTATION

Reissued with a new preface by the author, this bestselling guide
offers practical advice with realistic dialogues and step-by-step
exercises that show women how they can attain
liberation, power, and respect without forsaking
their femininity. Dr. Butler gets to the roots of self-esteem
with principles that apply to all women and to any situation.
Originally published in 1976.

FROM THE PUBLISHER

The bestselling assertiveness guide that shows women
how to get what they want—reissued with
a new preface by the author.

Self-Assertion for Women offers practical advice

with realistic sample dialogues and step-by-step exercises

showing women how they can:

learn to communicate clearly and effectively

protect themselves from misread signals in public, as well as intimate, situations

maintain professional authority without becoming aggressive

deal appropriately with sexual harassment

express positive and negative feelings without anxiety

set boundaries and assert themselves freely while

maintaining loving relationships

identify "assertiveness blind spots"

Butler's strategies can be applied by all women

in any situation that requires direct, effective, and positive action.

Real Solution Assertiveness Workbook

by Richard H Pfeiffer

Most people can be assertive in some situations,

and yet not
be effectual in others. The Real Solution

Assertiveness Workbook
expands the number of situations in which

a person can choose to
be assertive. When a person is passive,

opportunities are lost

and unpleasant situations are tolerated. In time, bad feelings
can build to a point where one more event can trigger an explosion
of resentment that in turn provokes criticism or rejection.

Most people can be assertive in some situations, and yet not
be effectual in others. The Real Solution Assertiveness Workbook
expands the number of situations in which a person can choose to
be assertive. When a person is passive, opportunities are lost
and unpleasant situations are tolerated. In time, bad feelings
can build to a point where one more event can trigger an explosion
of resentment that in turn provokes criticism or rejection.
Graduated homework assignments allow participants to apply
their newly acquired skills.

SKILLS AND CONCEPTS
Learning to Identify your own
behavior as Assertive, Aggressive,
or Passive
Learning to distinguish between the Three Modes
of Communicating
Defining criteria for measuring change in Assertive Behavior
Identifying mistaken traditional
assumptions and Countering them with
Assertive Rights
Broken Record Technique
Confronting your fears about being Assertive
Acknowledgement
Clouding
Probing
Content-to-Process shift
Time Out
Slowing Down
Assertive Position Statement
Assertive Listening
Assertive Position Statement -
Expressing and Listening
Workable Compromise
Three Modes of
Communicating
Basic premises Underlying the Three Modes
of Communicating
Criticism as a Form of
Manipulation

GOALS
To learn assertive communication skills used
in a variety of settings
to improve your relationships. To distinguish
assertiveness from
aggressive and passive communication. To distinguish
assertive rights
from myths about assertive behavior. To explore
your fears about being
assertive.

2007-02-08T20:33:00.001-06:00

Quotes Worth Considering

Brevity is a great charm of eloquence.
Marcus Tullius Cicero

Brevity is the best recommendation of speech, whether in a senator or an orator.
Marcus Tullius Cicero

Confidence is that feeling by which the mind embarks in great and honorable courses with a sure hope and trust in itself.
Marcus Tullius Cicero

2007-02-06T18:02:00.000-06:00

Please leave a comment if you like,
and we hope you will find the articles
and ads to be of help and will come back often.

You can click on the photo below to see it in larger image.

2007-02-02T10:04:00.000-06:00

5 Steps for Building Self-Confidence

by: Arina Nikitina

Self-confidence is an all important trait you need to acquire in today's fast-paced world. For one thing, you must have confidence in yourself first to earn the confidence and respect of others.

The following strategies may be useful to overcome such self-conquering thought habits. Consider these steps as the building blocks for greater confidence in any aspect of your life.

1. Concentrate on your strengths rather than on your weaknesses.

Confidence comes from within. You have to concentrate on the positive things about yourself. Remember the past is over; you can only change the future. Write down ten positive things about yourself.

Concentrate on your potentials. These are the reasons you should love yourself and have high self-confidence in yourself. Give yourself credit for every positive thing you have written about yourself. Remember, you're somebody special.

2. Remind yourself of past successes.

Confidence builds on past success. Because you had success before, you can (and will) have it once more. We strengthen our confidence in any interest when we remind or review ourselves of past successes.

If you are trying to develop confidence in a new aspect, past success can still be useful in strengthening our confidence. For instance, if you had success in doing something new in the past, recall those experiences when trying something else new – even if it is in a completely different part of your life.

2007-01-29T20:02:00.000-06:00

Going For A Win-Win Result - A Guide To Being Assertive

"The basic difference between being assertive and being aggressive is how our words and behavior affect the rights and well being of others"

Sharon Anthony Bower

It is interesting that many people still confuse being assertive with being aggressive. How about you? Have you learned the difference? Forgive me if you have, but for those of you who still aren't quite clear, here is a quick guide to assertiveness – going for the win-win result.

Assertiveness is a behavior or skill that helps you to communicate, clearly and with confidence, your feelings, needs, wants and thoughts, while acknowledging the needs of others. It means that you are able to state your opinions without feeling self-conscious, as well as being able to express your emotions openly. Being assertive will enable you to make clear to others how you wish to proceed in all aspects of your life. At the same time you will value others, respecting their right to an opinion as well. Through effective, assertive communication you will be able to express how you wish to move forward.

Is there an issue that needs to be resolved? Before confronting someone, why not write down what you are going to say? Be polite, concise and include the following elements: the nature of the problem; how it affects you; how you feel about it; what you want to change.

Be prepared to negotiate if necessary to bring resolution. By using tact and foresight and by making the effort to see the other point of view and acknowledging it you will place yourself in a position of strength. Be prepared to offer a compromise if that fits in with what you are aiming to achieve. Assertiveness does not mean digging your heels in for the sake of it!

Are you behaving passively? Do you think it is selfish to say what you want? Do you worry that if you refuse to do something, then people won't like you? Or do you think that other people should know what you want? Sorry. Most people are so wound up with their own thoughts and worries that they usually haven't time to be second-guessing you. By being clear and prepared to defend your own position if necessary, you will be able to build better relationships with those around you.

Feeling aggressive? Take it out in the gym, on a punch ball or on the running track, rather than at work or at home. Aggression is emotion out of control and can be very destructive. A physical activity can help you to diffuse the aggression.

2007-01-24T15:45:00.000-06:00

Quotes to promote Success

Success is getting what you want; happiness is wanting what you get.- Ingrid Bergman

Patience, persistence and perspiration make an unbeatable combination for success.- Napoleon Hill

Success in highest and noblest form calls for peace of mind and enjoyment and happiness which comes only to the man who has found the work he likes best.- Napoleon Hill

The ladder of success is never crowded at the top.- Napoleon Hill

Your success and happiness lie in you. . . . Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties.- Helen Adams Keller

2007-01-21T19:10:00.000-06:00

and don't miss a new blog:

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
fly away with me in your imagination and see
some of the most beautiful places on earth
http://dreamy-destinations.blogspot.com
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

(Note: I use Google's free pic program to place the photos on my blog. Please click
at the bottom of this page if you want PICASA, it's quick and easy to organize all the pics on your computer---and it's free! ! !)

2007-01-19T11:29:00.000-06:00

2007-01-19T11:28:00.000-06:00

Ask Andy

All about Assertiveness and
how it helps you Succeed

Dear Andy

Because of probably being too passive a person, I worry that I'm missing out on work-related opportunities, and yet I'm an ambitious person.
Probably Too Passive

Dear Probably Too Passive

Being too passive does often lead to lost opportunities at work, possibly even missed promotions, and failures in one's personal life. Your awareness of the need to be more assertive is a start. Now be open to the next step to learn and to be assertive in a polite and appropriate way.

You might suggest a project that you know would mean progress in your business and offer to head the project. This should lead to more success in life and less resentment about letting the parade pass you by.
Andy

Dear Andy

I fear being aggressive and unattractive in the way I express myself, as I don't like strident people.
Fear Being Aggressive

Dear Fear Being Aggressive

Sometimes it does take practice and self-awareness to be certain you are communicating in a politely assertive way, as opposed to a strident or aggressive manner. If you empathize with others and be alert to demanding or domineering flaws in self-expression, you will likely see and feel a difference in yourself and very quickly.
Andy

2007-01-15T10:52:00.000-06:00

Welcome. So glad you found us.

Please leave a comment if you like,
and we hope you will find the articles
and ads to be of help and will come back often.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

and don't miss a new blog:

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
fly away with me in your imagination and see
some of the most beautiful places on earth
http://dreamy-destinations.blogspot.com
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Please click on the image below if you want
to see it in larger style. Thank you for visiting.

(Note: I use Google's free pic program to place the photos on my blog. Please click
at the bottom of this page if you want PICASA, it's quick and easy to organize all the pics on your computer---and it's free! ! !)

2007-01-15T10:51:00.000-06:00

2007-01-15T10:48:00.000-06:00

Because no-fear public speaking and successful assertiveness

relate to self-esteem and self-confidence,

today I am suggesting books closely related to those topics by two of my favorite authors:

Gayle and Hugh Prather

Morning Notes by Hugh Prather

The Little Book of Letting Go by Hugh Prather

Shining Through by Hugh Prather

Spiritual Notes to Myself by Hugh Prather

How to Live in the World and Still Be Happy by Hugh Prather

I Will Never Leave You by Gayle and Hugh Prather

Spiritual Parenting by Gayle and Hugh Prather

Notes to Myself by Hugh Prather

2007-01-10T18:56:00.000-06:00

2007-01-10T16:22:00.000-06:00

Assertiveness

The aim of assertiveness is to find the best possible solution for all people. It's about finding 'win:win' solutions. Assertiveness sees everyone as equal with equal rights and equal responsibilities.

Assertiveness increases the chances of our needs being met. If we are able to tell people what we want without becoming aggressive they will be more likely to help us. Also, if they can't help us and we are able to accept that without becoming aggressive they will remain friends.

II Assertiveness allows us to remain in control. We can decide for ourselves what we want to do and then seek out opportunities to do it – or to do something similar. It puts us back in the driving seat.

III Assertiveness brings greater self-confidence. As we learn to take control and see what we can achieve our confidence increases. This in turn increases our feelings of self worth and self esteem. We begin to feel better – more effective.

IV Assertiveness lets us have greater confidence in others. This is because it also helps others to state their needs and wants. By dealing honestly and fairly with them we encourage them to do the same with us.

V Assertive people have more friends. As we begin to treat people more fairly they begin to trust us, to like us and to want to spend more time with us. We make friends who truly respect us instead of walking all over us (passivity) or fearing us (aggression).

VI Reduced stress. The more in control we feel the less stressed we feel. We don't need to worry about doing things we'd rather not. We don't have to let other people control us. Nor do we have to worry about trying to control other people. We have the power to choose our own destiny.

2007-01-05T11:54:00.000-06:00

Welcome. So glad you found us.

Please leave a comment if you like,
and we hope you will find the articles
and ads to be of help and will come back often.

2007-01-05T11:53:00.000-06:00

2007-01-05T11:50:00.000-06:00

Quotes on Self-Esteem

"Reflect on your present blessings, of which every man has many, not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some."

Charles Dickens

"Nurture your mind with great thoughts, for you will never go any higher than you think."

Benjamin Disraeli

"If you want a quality, act as if you already had it."

William James

"Never bend your head. Always hold it high. Look the world straight in the face."

Helen Keller

2007-01-02T13:46:00.000-06:00

and don't miss two blogs that will
help neck, back and shoulder pain:

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http://backbebetter.blogspot.com
http://achingbackrelaxed.blogspot.com
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2006-12-30T10:37:00.000-06:00

2006-12-30T10:33:00.000-06:00

Ask Andy

All about Assertiveness and how it helps you Succeed

Dear Andy

Why can't I meet a girl who is confident about herself and has a great smile, someone who is fun, assertive, daring, likes to have a little adventure, a girl with a great laugh, a caring personality?

Why Can't I Meet?

Dear Why Can't I Meet?

That girl is out there and you might have already met her. You need to be certain that you are projecting these qualities that you're looking for.

Are you confident in your expression of yourself to new people you meet? Are you fun, assertive, even a bit daring? Something tells me that you are adventuresome, laugh a lot, and have a caring personality. So you simply need to express what you want, and she may even find you.

Dear Andy

I know there is no reason for an assertive woman to feel less attractive, lacking in empathy, or not be very likeable. There is no reason why a woman can't feel assertively feminine, but a small voice, maybe from childhood, is always telling me to tone my naturally assertive nature down a bit. Should I listen?

Should I Listen?

Dear Should I Listen?

First you need to look and analyze before you listen. If you and others are seeing an assertively feminine woman truly, and perhaps only your best friends will level with you on this, then you can follow your natural assertive manner.

But, if the feedback from yourself, after some careful examination, and others indicates you are too demanding or worse abrasive in your interactions with others, then you might pay some heed to that small voice.

Andy

Dear Andy

I've tried to be more assertive for years, but I still feel bitter at times that others often use me or walk over me. I know this deprives me of what I need and deserve, but I don't know what else to do.

Need and Deserve

Dear Need and Deserve

You may need to make a plan, get books for guidance or talk to a professional about learning to express yourself more assertively and more effectively.

This sometimes takes a good deal of work to build self-esteem and self-confidence, keys to being more assertive. There are examples of famous people such as actress Jane Fonda, who said it took her years to become more assertive and get over the "disease to please."

Don't berate or demean yourself for what's past, but move forward with steps to tell people your desires and needs in a politely assertive, but firm manner. Then, others will respect your wishes and be more accommodating. There are books listed on this blog which could offer a helpful start for your plan.

Andy

Dear Andy

I know I'm not as assertive as I should be. I wonder how much a weak self-image or lacking confidence is the root cause?

Lacking Confidence

Dear Lacking Confidence

Everyone down deep lacks confidence at times from presidents to professors to high-wire walkers. There is an old saying:

"never let them see you sweat."

Maybe you need to lear to be more assertive by taking an inventory of your self-image. List the areas where you have strengths and have had successes, and also note where your life plan needs work.

This can be a good jump start on more self-confidence and self-esteem. If you don't feel you're making progress in a reasonable time, it is possible talking to a professional would be beneficial.

Andy

2006-12-26T12:06:00.000-06:00

2006-12-23T09:07:00.000-06:00

Welcome. So glad you found us.

Please leave a comment if you like,
and we hope you will find the articles
and ads to be of help and will come back often.

2006-12-23T09:06:00.000-06:00

2006-12-23T09:03:00.000-06:00

Going For A Win-Win Result - A Guide To Being Assertive

"The basic difference between being assertive and being aggressive is how our words and behavior affect the rights and well being of others"

Sharon Anthony Bower

It is interesting that many people still confuse being assertive with being aggressive. How about you? Have you learned the difference? Forgive me if you have, but for those of you who still aren't quite clear, here is a quick guide to assertiveness – going for the win-win result.

Assertiveness is a behavior or skill that helps you to communicate, clearly and with confidence, your feelings, needs, wants and thoughts, while acknowledging the needs of others. It means that you are able to state your opinions without feeling self-conscious, as well as being able to express your emotions openly. Being assertive will enable you to make clear to others how you wish to proceed in all aspects of your life. At the same time you will value others, respecting their right to an opinion as well. Through effective, assertive communication you will be able to express how you wish to move forward.

Is there an issue that needs to be resolved? Before confronting someone, why not write down what you are going to say? Be polite, concise and include the following elements: the nature of the problem; how it affects you; how you feel about it; what you want to change.

Be prepared to negotiate if necessary to bring resolution. By using tact and foresight and by making the effort to see the other point of view and acknowledging it you will place yourself in a position of strength. Be prepared to offer a compromise if that fits in with what you are aiming to achieve. Assertiveness does not mean digging your heels in for the sake of it!

Are you behaving passively? Do you think it is selfish to say what you want? Do you worry that if you refuse to do something, then people won't like you? Or do you think that other people should know what you want? Sorry. Most people are so wound up with their own thoughts and worries that they usually haven't time to be second-guessing you. By being clear and prepared to defend your own position if necessary, you will be able to build better relationships with those around you.

Feeling aggressive? Take it out in the gym, on a punch ball or on the running track, rather than at work or at home. Aggression is emotion out of control and can be very destructive. A physical activity can help you to diffuse the aggression.

2006-12-19T14:28:00.000-06:00

2006-12-19T14:26:00.000-06:00

Ask Andy

All about Assertiveness and how it helps you Succeed

Dear Andy

I'm someone who can stand up for myself and I do, but at times I worry my approach may be too aggressive?
Approach Too Aggressive

Dear Approach Too Aggressive
Aggressive behavior is usually perceived as invasive or threatening. If you stand up for yourself in a politely assertive manner without encroaching on others' rights, you'll likely be doing what is best for you, but not in an aggressive way.
Andy

Dear Andy

Having been raised with brothers, I learned how to say I wasn't going to be pushed around at a young age. Now as an adult, I wonder somtimes if my behavior, not allowing myself to be pushed around whether at work or in my personal life, is seen by some as less than feminine?
Less Than Feminine?

Dear Less Than Feminine?

If you are trying to be assertively feminine without being overly aggressive, you will likely achieve the correct balance. You should garner respect with that approach---but not fear or an abrasive reputation---both in your personal life and at work.
Andy

2006-12-15T19:46:00.000-06:00

Welcome. So glad you found us.

Please leave a comment if you like,
and we hope you will find the articles
and ads to be of help and will come back often.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

and don't miss a new blog:

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
fly away with me in your imagination and see
some of the most beautiful places on earth
http://dreamy-destinations.blogspot.com
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Quotes on Self-Esteem

"Reflect on your present blessings, of which every man has many, not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some."

Charles Dickens

"Nurture your mind with great thoughts, for you will never go any higher than you think."

Benjamin Disraeli

"If you want a quality, act as if you already had it."

William James

"Never bend your head. Always hold it high. Look the world straight in the face."

Helen Keller

2006-12-12T16:31:00.000-06:00

2006-12-12T16:26:00.000-06:00

Benefits of a Healthy Self-Esteem

By Graham Hunt

(Article continued from December 8)

People with appropriate levels of self-esteem have good things happening in their lives because they expect good things to happen. It really is that simple.

The reality is, your self-esteem is a given in life. It functions with or without your input, with or without your knowledge. Given the lists of benefits which would you rather have: a level of self-esteem appropriate to your life situation or an underdeveloped self-esteem that finds you sadly lacking in most areas of endeavor? The choice, as always is yours.

Graham Hunt is the founder and Thinker-in-Residence of The Ultimate Success Centre, an organization developed to resource an environment where those who choose can discover and develop towards their full potential. Part of the way Graham is doing that is through his website The Ultimate Success Site Drop by and visit anytime.

2006-12-08T09:49:00.000-06:00

2006-12-08T09:39:00.000-06:00

Welcome. So glad you found us.

Please leave a comment if you like,
and we hope you will find the articles
and ads to be of help and will come back often.

Benefits of a Healthy Self-Esteem

By Graham Hunt

The great thing about self-esteem is that it does not take much in the enhancement of your self-esteem for you to experience quite significant results. It is as if your psyche has been waiting for what seems an eternity for you to make some moves in this direction. Once you take even the first step on the pathway to enhanced self-esteem you will experience feelings you never thought possible. It is almost as intense (and pleasurable) as the act physical intimacy with a loved one, but lasts a heck of lot longer!!! (That's all I plan to say on that matter!)

After a while the intensity lessens or as I prefer, you grow into it. But the sense of inner glow remains and makes life extremely enjoyable. Try it, yo might get just as hooked as I am. And if that is not enough incentive, what else do you have to look forward to?

People with appropriate levels of self-esteem seek out new challenges. They develop stimulating and demanding things to do. Life is never 'dull and boring'. They have more resources available to them when they are confronted with problems in their lives. They bounce back more quickly from set backs because they have the energy to, if necessary start again from scratch, time and time again.

People with appropriate levels of self-esteem are more ambitious, not necessarily in the area of finance and career, but in what they look for in life generally. They are able to express themselves, their thoughts and their wants more easily because they believe their thoughts have value and are worthy of expression. They are able to accept criticism of those thoughts easily because they are able to see the criticism for what it is, rather than an attack on their personhood.

People with appropriate levels of self-esteem tend to treat others with respect and fairness because those others do not represent any sort of threat to themselves. When you respect yourself, you have a solid basis for being able to respect others for what they have to offer. Because people with appropriate levels of self-esteem think of themselves as worthy of being loved, they also have a foundation for being able to love and appreciate other people. They believe each life is enriched by mutual respect and sharing of ideas.

Article to be continued

in the next issue

2006-12-05T17:44:00.000-06:00

2006-12-05T17:39:00.000-06:00

Ask Andy

All about Assertiveness
and how it helps you Succeed

Dear Andy

Need and Deserve

Dear Need and Deserve

You may need to make a plan, get books for guidance or talk to a professional about learning to express yourself more assertively and more effectively.

Andy

Dear Andy

I know I'm not as assertive as I should be. I wonder how much a weak self-image or lacking confidence is the root cause?

Lacking Confidence

Dear Lacking Confidence

Everyone down deep lacks confidence at times from presidents to professors to high-wire walkers. There is an old saying:

"never let them see you sweat."

Maybe you need to lear to be more assertive by taking an inventory of your self-image. List the areas where you have strengths and have had successes, and also note where your life plan needs work.

This can be a good jump start on more self-confidence and self-esteem. If you don't feel you're making progress in a reasonable time, it is possible talking to a professional would be beneficial.

Andy

2006-12-02T11:41:00.000-06:00

2006-12-02T11:37:00.000-06:00

Welcome. So glad you found us.

Please leave a comment if you like,
and we hope you will find the articles
and ads to be of help and will come back often

Good Advice

"The greatest success is successful self-acceptance."

Ben Sweet

"You can do what you have to do, and sometimes you can do it even better than you think you can."

President Jimmy Carter Jr.

"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can't accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through."

Rosalyn Smith Carter

2006-11-29T20:06:00.000-06:00

2006-11-26T09:54:00.000-06:00

2006-11-26T09:49:00.000-06:00

Welcome. So glad you found us.

Please leave a comment if you like,
and we hope you will find the articles
and ads to be of help and will come back often

2006-11-26T09:46:00.000-06:00

Assertiveness

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Assertiveness is a skill taught by many personal development experts and psychotherapists, and the subject of many popular self-help books. It is linked to self-esteem and considered an important communication skill.

As a communication style and strategy, assertiveness is distinguished from aggression and passivity. How people deal with personal boundaries, their own and those of other people, helps to distinguish between these three concepts.

Passive communicators do not defend their own personal boundaries and thus allow aggressive people to harm or otherwise unduly influence them. They are also typically not likely to risk trying to influence anyone else.

Aggressive people do not respect the personal boundaries of others and thus are liable to harm others while trying to influence them. A person communicates assertively by not being afraid to speak his or her mind or trying to influence others; but doing so in a way that respects the personal boundaries of others. They are also willing to defend themselves against aggressive incursions.

2006-11-21T17:06:00.000-06:00

2006-11-21T16:40:00.000-06:00

Helping a Child Build
More Self-Confidence

More than 60 percent of students fare poorly in school, not because they are not intelligent, but because they suffer from an acute lack of self-confidence, reveals a recent study by a psychiatrists group in the UK.

Lack of confidence is due to lack of self-esteem. By the age of five, children develop a sense of self-esteem. A child with self-esteem will have confidence to make friends, do new things, take risk and he\she generally succeeds in life.

But a child with low self-esteem needs external support to achieve success. That means, you must make conscious efforts to build your child s level of self-esteem and confidence.

The first thing you should do is not to set high targets for his achievements.
The second thing is not to make comparisons with other children in school or in your neighbourhood.
Accept your child as he is, and then start working.

Believe in your child and make him feel that he is a worthwhile, lovable individual. Give positive feedback and praise. Tell him that you have achieved a task that was hard. Reassure him that the small mistake he might have committed during the course of the work was immaterial.

Do not criticise him. That will damage his confidence. You can be critical of his unwelcome behaviour, but never suggest that he behaved in a particular fashion because he was stupid. Listen carefully to what the child has to say.

Do it again even if you are hearing it from him the 100th time. Acknowledge your child's feelings and help him express his problem verbally.
Respond frequently to show that you are listening.
Give positive prompts.

Focus on the strengths, not the weaknesses of your child. Respect your child s interests, even if they are not agreeable to you. Take a genuine interest in your child s friends too. Learn what is happening at school.

Accept any insecurities your child expresses as genuine, even if they look trivial to you. Never brush them aside. If you do, the child will lose confidence in you and stop telling it to you. Encourage independent activities even if they are trivial. When he succeeds in such things, it gives a great boost to his confidence.

Sometimes, your child will need to learn by his mistakes. Allow him to do it. Never laugh at your child; but laugh with him.

Focus on your child s small successes. Young children are well aware of their inabilities and if you constantly point them out to them, they will lose their confidence all the more.

When the child fails to accomplish something, never say I told you that you were not able enough to do it. Such comments make your child feel even worse than what he felt while suffering the failure.

Instead, say never mind, you tried, but could not do it merely because of bad luck. Try again, you will succeed.

Ensure that your child does not overhear your honest opinions about him if it is adverse. That will damage his urge to improve.

Negative things you say about yourself can also damage your child s confidence, because children learn a great deal from adults.
Never express before children your inability to face situations or handle pressure etc, lest they get to feel that you really are not able to handle life's challenges yourself.

This will not constitute an optimistic example for your child. Use words carefully even when you are irritated or disgusted.

Negative remarks expressed in such moments make children believe they are useless and unwanted. Remarks suggesting that you do not love are damaging.

So are aggressive shouting and swearing. Have the courtesy to say sorry if you have said something or did anything which you should not have.

2006-11-17T19:38:00.000-06:00

Another blog of mine
was just reviewed by a blog
called Flock Entrprize:

Blog Critique #5

Aching Back Relaxed

Got some sore pains in the middle of your back that your just dying to get rid of? Dont know what to do or how to treat it? Just visit this blog and you will find out all the information you need to know from a 10 year profesional. Just sitting and reading some of the posts makes me want to keep up with this blog and try out some of the ways to relieve pain. Onto the template of the blog, I like how you have put you own mix into the sidebars and have even put in some google ads. It all looks pretty decent, except for the one small long and skinny Ad which with Firefox createst a horizontal scroll bar, which I'm not really a fan of. Mixing it up with Amazon and some other ads for other sites brings a cool look. Some of the alternating colors in the posts I'm also not really a fan of, but if that floats you boat than make sure to bring the paddle. Overall I like the site and its unique flavor and content. A job well done.

2006-11-15T20:36:00.000-06:00

2006-11-15T20:29:00.000-06:00

Welcome. So glad you found us.

Please leave a comment if you like,
and we hope you will find the articles
and ads to be of help and will come back often

Quotes to help you
assert yourself!

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection."

- Buddha

"It is one of the most beautiful compensations of life, that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself."

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value."

- Albert Einstein

2006-11-12T17:37:00.000-06:00

2006-11-12T14:00:00.000-06:00

Some really good news:

2 of my blogs were reviewed

on "Critique My Blog" this week,

and here's the review----

Paint some happy trees!

http://browniesforbreakfast.blogspot.com

http://waterfallsuplift.blogspot.com

2006-11-09T17:54:00.000-06:00

Welcome. So glad you found us.

Please leave a comment if you like,
and we hope you will find the articles
and ads to be of help and will come back often

2006-11-09T17:52:00.000-06:00

2006-11-09T17:50:00.000-06:00

Ask Andy

All about Assertiveness and how it helps you Succeed

Dear Andy

Why can't I meet a girl who is confident about herself and has a great smile, someone who is fun, assertive, daring, likes to have a little adventure, a girl with a great laugh, a caring personality?
Why Can't I Meet?

Dear Why Can't I Meet?

That girl is out there and you might have already met her. You need to be certain that you are projecting these qualities that you're looking for.
Are you confident in your expression of yourself to new people you meet? Are you fun, assertive, even a bit daring? Something tells me that you are adventuresome, laugh a lot, and have a caring personality. So you simply need to express what you want, and she may even find you.

Dear Andy

I know there is no reason for an assertive woman to feel less attractive, lacking in empathy, or not be very likeable. There is no reason why a woman can't feel assertively feminine, but a small voice, maybe from childhood, is always telling me to tone my naturally assertive nature down a bit. Should I listen?
Should I Listen?

Dear Should I Listen?

First you need to look and analyze before you listen. If you and others are seeing an assertively feminine woman truly, and perhaps only your best friends will level with you on this, then you can follow your natural assertive manner.
But, if the feedback from yourself, after some careful examination, and others indicates you are too demanding or worse abrasive in your interactions with others, then you might pay some heed to that small voice.

2006-11-05T09:58:00.000-06:00

2006-11-05T09:50:00.000-06:00

Welcome. So glad you found us.

Please leave a comment if you like,
and we hope you will find the articles
and ads to be of help and will come back often

Because no-fear public speaking
and successful assertiveness

relate to self-esteem and self-confidence,

today I am suggesting books closely related to those topics by two of my favorite authors:

Gayle and Hugh Prather

Morning Notes by Hugh Prather

The Little Book of Letting Go by Hugh Prather

Shining Through by Hugh Prather

Spiritual Notes to Myself by Hugh Prather

How to Live in the World and Still Be Happy by Hugh Prather

I Will Never Leave You by Gayle and Hugh Prather

Spiritual Parenting by Gayle and Hugh Prather

Notes to Myself by Hugh Prather

2006-11-02T15:39:00.001-06:00

Welcome. So glad you found us.

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and we hope you will find the articles
and ads to be of help and will come back often

2006-11-02T15:39:00.000-06:00

2006-10-30T10:18:00.000-06:00

2006-10-28T11:46:00.000-05:00

Some really good news:

2 of my blogs were reviewed

on "Critique My Blog" this week,

and here's the review----

Paint some happy trees!

http://browniesforbreakfast.blogspot.com

http://waterfallsuplift.blogspot.com

2006-10-24T19:36:00.000-05:00

2006-10-21T10:17:00.000-05:00

Welcome. So glad you found us.

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and we hope you will find the articles
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2006-10-21T10:16:00.000-05:00

2006-10-21T10:13:00.000-05:00

Because no-fear public speaking
and successful assertiveness

relate to self-esteem and self-confidence,

today I am suggesting books closely related to those topics by two of my favorite authors:

Gayle and Hugh Prather

Morning Notes by Hugh Prather

The Little Book of Letting Go by Hugh Prather

Shining Through by Hugh Prather

Spiritual Notes to Myself by Hugh Prather

How to Live in the World and Still Be Happy by Hugh Prather

I Will Never Leave You by Gayle and Hugh Prather

Spiritual Parenting by Gayle and Hugh Prather

Notes to Myself by Hugh Prather

2006-10-17T15:35:00.000-05:00

2006-10-17T15:34:00.000-05:00

Please take a look at 2 new sites.

I think you'll find them unique,
colorful, great photos, and fresh
ideas that might just make your day.

http://waterfallsuplift.blogspot.com

http://browniesforbreakfast.blogspot.com

2006-10-17T15:29:00.000-05:00

Being Passive can be Exhausting

Many of us get caught up living within the exhausting role of being passive. People who tend to be passive in their communication with others often report feeling tense, sad, vulnerable, resentful, unworthy and dependent.

In spite of this reported misery, people behave passively in order to avoid responsibility for their thoughts, feelings, and needs. When someone asks you to do something that you do not want to do, what do you do? Do you do it or make an excuse rather than say no? Once you are aware of your excuses it will be easier to overcome them.

Why is it that saying no is hard for you?

Is it because you are afraid you will hurt the other person?
Do you feel guilty? Are you afraid the person will talk you out of it?
Is it because you want to be liked and you don't want the person to be angry with you? Do you want to avoid any possible conflict?
Are you afraid of being rejected or lonely?
Is it just hard for you to say what you feel?

The list of questions could go on and on and so can the excuses. This pattern creates a loss of independence. It also denies our feelings and our needs.

When we behave passively, we hold in our anger and hurt. By holding onto our feelings we are likely to develop physical symptoms such as headaches or ulcers. This pattern also can lead to depression.

2006-10-14T10:34:00.000-05:00

2006-10-14T10:32:00.000-05:00

Welcome. So glad you found us.

Please leave a comment if you like,
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2006-10-10T17:01:00.000-05:00

2006-10-10T16:59:00.000-05:00

2006-10-10T16:53:00.000-05:00

Ask Andy

All about Assertiveness and how it helps you Succeed

Dear Andy

I'm someone who can stand up for myself and I do, but at times I worry my approach may be too aggressive?---Approach Too Aggressive

Dear Approach Too Aggressive

Aggressive behavior is usually perceived as invasive or threatening. If you stand up for yourself in a politely assertive manner without encroaching on others' rights, you'll likely be doing what is best for you, but not in an aggressive way.

Andy

Dear Andy

Having been raised with brothers, I learned how to say I wasn't going to be pushed around at a young age. Now as an adult, I wonder somtimes if my behavior, not allowing myself to be pushed around whether at work or in my personal life, is seen by some as less than feminine? ---Less Than Feminine?

Dear Less Than Feminine?

If you are trying to be assertively feminine without being overly aggressive, you will likely achieve the correct balance. You should garner respect with that approach---but not fear or an abrasive reputation---both in your personal life and at work.

Andy

2006-10-07T20:09:00.000-05:00

2006-10-07T20:04:00.000-05:00

Welcome. So glad you found us.

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Assertiveness Succeeds

Paint some happy trees!

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You can click on the photo below to see it in larger image.

Welcome. So glad you found us. Please leave a comment if you like, and we hope you will find the articlesand ads to be of help and will come back often.

Welcome. So glad you found us. Please leave a comment if you like, and we hope you will find the articlesand ads to be of help and will come back often.

Welcome. So glad you found us. Please leave a comment if you like, and we hope you will find the articlesand ads to be of help and will come back often.

Welcome. So glad you found us. Please leave a comment if you like, and we hope you will find the articlesand ads to be of help and will come back often.

Blog Critique #5

Paint some happy trees!

Paint some happy trees!

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Welcome. So glad you found us.

Please leave a comment if you like,
and we hope you will find the articles
and ads to be of help and will come back often.

Welcome. So glad you found us.

Please leave a comment if you like,
and we hope you will find the articles
and ads to be of help and will come back often.

Welcome. So glad you found us.

Please leave a comment if you like,
and we hope you will find the articles
and ads to be of help and will come back often.

Welcome. So glad you found us.

Please leave a comment if you like,
and we hope you will find the articles
and ads to be of help and will come back often.