Ask Andy

All about Assertiveness and how it helps you Succeed

Dear Andy

I was raised to be a good girl and to be considerate of others. It has always seemed natural to please the people in my life, as I did my parents. Recently a friend said I was a door mat and I should learn to stand up for myself.
How do I learn such new behavior?

Door Mat

Dear Door Mat

Sometimes pleasing others is overrated, especially if it becomes what is called "the disease to please." You deserve to be considered and to be pleased yourself at least some of the time; but, you may need to ask for what you want in a more assertive manner. If you try expressing your desires and interests clearly and firmly, you can then get in the good habit of being politely assertive. Soon, it will likely become second nature, and you'll be on your way to new behavior.

Andy


Dear Andy

Often I feel I get what I want out of life far less than half the time. Maybe I'm not assertive enough or just don't have sufficient confidence in myself.

Not Enough Confidence

Dear Not Enough Confidence

If you think you're being assertive in your life only some of the time, not enough for the success you desire, you may lack the confidence and self-esteem to stand up for yourself consistently. It could be time for a serious self-confidence and self-esteem check.
You may be able to do this on your own, but sometimes professional advice is needed. Also, take a look at the books listed in this blog, as one or more of them could help you become more confident.

Andy