Ask Andy

All about Assertiveness and how it helps you Succeed

Dear Andy

I would like to be more assertive, but I was raised to think that being assertive was against God's will for our lives. In other words, I was taught to think that it was selfish behaviour and that righteous people weren't assertive. How can I overcome that mindset?

Waiting to come out of My Shell

Dear Waiting to come out of My Shell

Being overly assertive could be selfish, if you're thinking only of yourself and no one else. But, if you think in terms of healthy self care, as well as considering others' feelings and rights, then the perspective is opened to include you---and you deserve to be included in your life's work.
Assertiveness is about being open and direct about yourself and your communication and that allows others to know and appreciate the real you, not someone hiding in a shell, which is not the genuine you. So, becoming more assertive may make you more than you were before, more to offer to all the others in your life that you care about.

Andy

Dear Andy

O K, I know I'm assertive, maybe even aggressive at times, especially when it comes to putting my views and opinions out there. But, that's me and I feel I deserve to be myself. Can that be so wrong?

Deserve to be myself

Dear Deserve to be myself

Of course, you deserve to be yourself and to be all that you can be. But, what if you are actually limiting all that you can be by being overly assertive, even aggressive. You may be limiting the people in your life who can deal with such aggressive behavior.
Consideration of others' rights and feelings should be a high priority, and does not have to limit you really. In fact it could open up possibilites for growth and opportunity that, perhaps, had been closed before, because of behavior that some considered domineering and aggressive, which is unattractive and uncomfortable to many.

Andy