Being Passive can be Exhausting

Many of us get caught up living within the exhausting role of being passive. People who tend to be passive in their communication with others often report feeling tense, sad, vulnerable, resentful, unworthy and dependent.

In spite of this reported misery, people behave passively in order to avoid responsibility for their thoughts, feelings, and needs. When someone asks you to do something that you do not want to do, what do you do? Do you do it or make an excuse rather than say no? Once you are aware of your excuses it will be easier to overcome them.

Why is it that saying no is hard for you?

• Is it because you are afraid you will hurt the other person?
  
• Do you feel guilty? Are you afraid the person will talk you out of it?
  
• Is it because you want to be liked and you don't want the person to be angry with you? Do you want to avoid any possible conflict?
  
• Are you afraid of being rejected or lonely?
  
• Is it just hard for you to say what you feel?

The list of questions could go on and on and so can the excuses. This pattern creates a loss of independence. It also denies our feelings and our needs.

When we behave passively, we hold in our anger and hurt. By holding onto our feelings we are likely to develop physical symptoms such as headaches or ulcers. This pattern also can lead to depression.