Assertiveness Vs. Aggressiveness


Think of assertiveness as being firm, but polite. It's a mindset that says "I want to win, but I'm not going to walk over you to do it-I'm going to respect what you want and work to help you win also."

Aggressiveness, on the other hand, is firm but impolite. The aggressive person says "I'm going to win, and I don't care if you get what you want." Milder forms are more ambivalent: "I don't care whether or not you get your needs met." Full-court press aggressiveness wants the other person to lose no matter what.

By the way, non-assertiveness is polite (considerate of other people's perspectives), but not firm-that is, unwilling to stand up for one's own needs. Non-assertive people need to understand the differences between assertiveness and aggressiveness so that when they do step forward to get their needs met they don't go overboard and step on everyone else.