Ask Andy

All about Assertiveness and how it helps you Succeed

Dear Andy

I've tried to be more assertive for years, but I still feel bitter at times that others often use me or walk over me. I know this deprives me of what I need and deserve, but I don't know what else to do.

Need and Deserve

Dear Need and Deserve

You may need to make a plan, get books for guidance or talk to a professional about learning to express yourself more assertively and more effectively. This sometimes takes a good deal of work to build self-esteem and self-confidence, keys to being more assertive.
There are examples of famous people such as actress Jane Fonda, who said it took her years to become more assertive and get over the "disease to please." Don't berate or demean yourself for what's past, but move forward with steps to tell people your desires and needs in a politely assertive, but firm manner. Then, others will respect your wishes and be more accomodating. There are books listed on this blog which could offer a helpful start for your plan.

Andy

Dear Andy

I know I'm not as assertive as I should be. I wonder how much a weak self-image or lacking confidence is the root cause?

Lacking Confidence

Dear Lacking Confidence

Everyone down deep lacks confidence at times from presidents to professors to high-wire walkers. There is an old saying: "never let them see you sweat." Maybe you need to learn to be more assertive by taking an inventory of your self-image. List the areas where you have strengths and have had successes, and also note where your life plan needs work.
This can be a good jump start on more self-confidence and self-esteem. If you don't feel you're making progress in a reasonable time, it is possible talking to a professional would be beneficial.

Andy