Ask Andy

All about Assertiveness and how it helps you Succeed

Dear Andy

Why can't I meet a girl who is confident about herself and has a great smile, someone who is fun, assertive, daring, likes to have a little adventure, a girl with a great laugh, a caring personality?

Why Can't I Meet?

Dear Why Can't I Meet?

That girl is out there and you might have already met her. You need to be certain that you are projecting these qualities that you're looking for.

Are you confident in your expression of yourself to new people you meet? Are you fun, assertive, even a bit daring? Something tells me that you are adventuresome, laugh a lot, and have a caring personality. So you simply need to express what you want, and she may even find you.

Dear Andy

I know there is no reason for an assertive woman to feel less attractive, lacking in empathy, or not be very likeable. There is no reason why a woman can't feel assertively feminine, but a small voice, maybe from childhood, is always telling me to tone my naturally assertive nature down a bit. Should I listen?

Should I Listen?

Dear Should I Listen?

First you need to look and analyze before you listen. If you and others are seeing an assertively feminine woman truly, and perhaps only your best friends will level with you on this, then you can follow your natural assertive manner.

But, if the feedback from yourself, after some careful examination, and others indicates you are too demanding or worse abrasive in your interactions with others, then you might pay some heed to that small voice.

Andy

Dear Andy

I've tried to be more assertive for years, but I still feel bitter at times that others often use me or walk over me. I know this deprives me of what I need and deserve, but I don't know what else to do.

Need and Deserve

Dear Need and Deserve

You may need to make a plan, get books for guidance or talk to a professional about learning to express yourself more assertively and more effectively.

This sometimes takes a good deal of work to build self-esteem and self-confidence, keys to being more assertive. There are examples of famous people such as actress Jane Fonda, who said it took her years to become more assertive and get over the "disease to please."

Don't berate or demean yourself for what's past, but move forward with steps to tell people your desires and needs in a politely assertive, but firm manner. Then, others will respect your wishes and be more accommodating. There are books listed on this blog which could offer a helpful start for your plan.

Andy

Dear Andy

I know I'm not as assertive as I should be. I wonder how much a weak self-image or lacking confidence is the root cause?

Lacking Confidence

Dear Lacking Confidence

Everyone down deep lacks confidence at times from presidents to professors to high-wire walkers. There is an old saying:

"never let them see you sweat."

Maybe you need to lear to be more assertive by taking an inventory of your self-image. List the areas where you have strengths and have had successes, and also note where your life plan needs work.

This can be a good jump start on more self-confidence and self-esteem. If you don't feel you're making progress in a reasonable time, it is possible talking to a professional would be beneficial.

Andy

 

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Going For A Win-Win Result - A Guide To Being Assertive

"The basic difference between being assertive and being aggressive is how our words and behavior affect the rights and well being of others"

Sharon Anthony Bower

It is interesting that many people still confuse being assertive with being aggressive. How about you? Have you learned the difference? Forgive me if you have, but for those of you who still aren't quite clear, here is a quick guide to assertiveness – going for the win-win result.

Assertiveness is a behavior or skill that helps you to communicate, clearly and with confidence, your feelings, needs, wants and thoughts, while acknowledging the needs of others. It means that you are able to state your opinions without feeling self-conscious, as well as being able to express your emotions openly. Being assertive will enable you to make clear to others how you wish to proceed in all aspects of your life. At the same time you will value others, respecting their right to an opinion as well. Through effective, assertive communication you will be able to express how you wish to move forward.

Is there an issue that needs to be resolved? Before confronting someone, why not write down what you are going to say? Be polite, concise and include the following elements: the nature of the problem; how it affects you; how you feel about it; what you want to change.

Be prepared to negotiate if necessary to bring resolution. By using tact and foresight and by making the effort to see the other point of view and acknowledging it you will place yourself in a position of strength. Be prepared to offer a compromise if that fits in with what you are aiming to achieve. Assertiveness does not mean digging your heels in for the sake of it!

Are you behaving passively? Do you think it is selfish to say what you want? Do you worry that if you refuse to do something, then people won't like you? Or do you think that other people should know what you want? Sorry. Most people are so wound up with their own thoughts and worries that they usually haven't time to be second-guessing you. By being clear and prepared to defend your own position if necessary, you will be able to build better relationships with those around you.

Feeling aggressive? Take it out in the gym, on a punch ball or on the running track, rather than at work or at home. Aggression is emotion out of control and can be very destructive. A physical activity can help you to diffuse the aggression.

 

Ask Andy

All about Assertiveness and how it helps you Succeed

Dear Andy

I'm someone who can stand up for myself and I do, but at times I worry my approach may be too aggressive?
Approach Too Aggressive

Dear Approach Too Aggressive
Aggressive behavior is usually perceived as invasive or threatening. If you stand up for yourself in a politely assertive manner without encroaching on others' rights, you'll likely be doing what is best for you, but not in an aggressive way.
Andy

Dear Andy

Having been raised with brothers, I learned how to say I wasn't going to be pushed around at a young age. Now as an adult, I wonder somtimes if my behavior, not allowing myself to be pushed around whether at work or in my personal life, is seen by some as less than feminine?
Less Than Feminine?

Dear Less Than Feminine?

If you are trying to be assertively feminine without being overly aggressive, you will likely achieve the correct balance. You should garner respect with that approach---but not fear or an abrasive reputation---both in your personal life and at work.
Andy

Welcome. So glad you found us.

Please leave a comment if you like,
and we hope you will find the articles
and ads to be of help and will come back often.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

and don't miss a new blog:

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
fly away with me in your imagination and see
some of the most beautiful places on earth
http://dreamy-destinations.blogspot.com
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =



Quotes on Self-Esteem


"Reflect on your present blessings, of which every man has many, not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some."

Charles Dickens

"Nurture your mind with great thoughts, for you will never go any higher than you think."

Benjamin Disraeli

"If you want a quality, act as if you already had it."

William James

"Never bend your head. Always hold it high. Look the world straight in the face."

Helen Keller

 

Benefits of a Healthy Self-Esteem

By Graham Hunt

(Article continued from December 8)

People with appropriate levels of self-esteem have good things happening in their lives because they expect good things to happen. It really is that simple.

The reality is, your self-esteem is a given in life. It functions with or without your input, with or without your knowledge. Given the lists of benefits which would you rather have: a level of self-esteem appropriate to your life situation or an underdeveloped self-esteem that finds you sadly lacking in most areas of endeavor? The choice, as always is yours.

Graham Hunt is the founder and Thinker-in-Residence of The Ultimate Success Centre, an organization developed to resource an environment where those who choose can discover and develop towards their full potential. Part of the way Graham is doing that is through his website The Ultimate Success Site Drop by and visit anytime.

 

Welcome. So glad you found us. Please leave a comment if you like, and we hope you will find the articles and ads to be of help and will come back often. Benefits of a Healthy Self-Esteem By Graham Hunt

The great thing about self-esteem is that it does not take much in the enhancement of your self-esteem for you to experience quite significant results. It is as if your psyche has been waiting for what seems an eternity for you to make some moves in this direction. Once you take even the first step on the pathway to enhanced self-esteem you will experience feelings you never thought possible. It is almost as intense (and pleasurable) as the act physical intimacy with a loved one, but lasts a heck of lot longer!!! (That's all I plan to say on that matter!)

After a while the intensity lessens or as I prefer, you grow into it. But the sense of inner glow remains and makes life extremely enjoyable. Try it, yo might get just as hooked as I am. And if that is not enough incentive, what else do you have to look forward to?

People with appropriate levels of self-esteem seek out new challenges. They develop stimulating and demanding things to do. Life is never 'dull and boring'. They have more resources available to them when they are confronted with problems in their lives. They bounce back more quickly from set backs because they have the energy to, if necessary start again from scratch, time and time again.

People with appropriate levels of self-esteem are more ambitious, not necessarily in the area of finance and career, but in what they look for in life generally. They are able to express themselves, their thoughts and their wants more easily because they believe their thoughts have value and are worthy of expression. They are able to accept criticism of those thoughts easily because they are able to see the criticism for what it is, rather than an attack on their personhood.

People with appropriate levels of self-esteem tend to treat others with respect and fairness because those others do not represent any sort of threat to themselves. When you respect yourself, you have a solid basis for being able to respect others for what they have to offer. Because people with appropriate levels of self-esteem think of themselves as worthy of being loved, they also have a foundation for being able to love and appreciate other people. They believe each life is enriched by mutual respect and sharing of ideas.

Article to be continued

in the next issue

 

Ask Andy

All about Assertiveness
and how it helps you Succeed

Dear Andy

I've tried to be more assertive for years, but I still feel bitter at times that others often use me or walk over me. I know this deprives me of what I need and deserve, but I don't know what else to do.

Need and Deserve

Dear Need and Deserve

You may need to make a plan, get books for guidance or talk to a professional about learning to express yourself more assertively and more effectively.

This sometimes takes a good deal of work to build self-esteem and self-confidence, keys to being more assertive. There are examples of famous people such as actress Jane Fonda, who said it took her years to become more assertive and get over the "disease to please."

Don't berate or demean yourself for what's past, but move forward with steps to tell people your desires and needs in a politely assertive, but firm manner. Then, others will respect your wishes and be more accommodating. There are books listed on this blog which could offer a helpful start for your plan.

Andy

Dear Andy

I know I'm not as assertive as I should be. I wonder how much a weak self-image or lacking confidence is the root cause?

Lacking Confidence

Dear Lacking Confidence

Everyone down deep lacks confidence at times from presidents to professors to high-wire walkers. There is an old saying:

"never let them see you sweat."

Maybe you need to lear to be more assertive by taking an inventory of your self-image. List the areas where you have strengths and have had successes, and also note where your life plan needs work.

This can be a good jump start on more self-confidence and self-esteem. If you don't feel you're making progress in a reasonable time, it is possible talking to a professional would be beneficial.

Andy

 

Welcome. So glad you found us.

Please leave a comment if you like,
and we hope you will find the articles
and ads to be of help and will come back often


Good Advice


"The greatest success is successful self-acceptance."

Ben Sweet

"You can do what you have to do, and sometimes you can do it even better than you think you can."

President Jimmy Carter Jr.

"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can't accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through."

Rosalyn Smith Carter