Going For A Win-Win Result - A Guide To Being Assertive


"The basic difference between being assertive and being aggressive is how our words and behavior affect the rights and well being of others"

Sharon Anthony Bower

It is interesting that many people still confuse being assertive with being aggressive. How about you? Have you learned the difference? Forgive me if you have, but for those of you who still aren't quite clear, here is a quick guide to assertiveness – going for the win-win result.

Assertiveness is a behavior or skill that helps you to communicate, clearly and with confidence, your feelings, needs, wants and thoughts, while acknowledging the needs of others. It means that you are able to state your opinions without feeling self-conscious, as well as being able to express your emotions openly. Being assertive will enable you to make clear to others how you wish to proceed in all aspects of your life. At the same time you will value others, respecting their right to an opinion as well. Through effective, assertive communication you will be able to express how you wish to move forward.

Is there an issue that needs to be resolved? Before confronting someone, why not write down what you are going to say? Be polite, concise and include the following elements: the nature of the problem; how it affects you; how you feel about it; what you want to change.

Be prepared to negotiate if necessary to bring resolution. By using tact and foresight and by making the effort to see the other point of view and acknowledging it you will place yourself in a position of strength. Be prepared to offer a compromise if that fits in with what you are aiming to achieve. Assertiveness does not mean digging your heels in for the sake of it!

Are you behaving passively? Do you think it is selfish to say what you want? Do you worry that if you refuse to do something, then people won't like you? Or do you think that other people should know what you want? Sorry. Most people are so wound up with their own thoughts and worries that they usually haven't time to be second-guessing you. By being clear and prepared to defend your own position if necessary, you will be able to build better relationships with those around you.

Feeling aggressive? Take it out in the gym, on a punch ball or on the running track, rather than at work or at home. Aggression is emotion out of control and can be very destructive. A physical activity can help you to diffuse the aggression.

Quotes to promote Success


Success is getting what you want; happiness is wanting what you get.- Ingrid Bergman

Patience, persistence and perspiration make an unbeatable combination for success.- Napoleon Hill

Success in highest and noblest form calls for peace of mind and enjoyment and happiness which comes only to the man who has found the work he likes best.- Napoleon Hill

The ladder of success is never crowded at the top.- Napoleon Hill

Your success and happiness lie in you. . . . Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties.- Helen Adams Keller

and don't miss a new blog:

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
fly away with me in your imagination and see
some of the most beautiful places on earth
http://dreamy-destinations.blogspot.com
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

(Note: I use Google's free pic program to place the photos on my blog. Please click
at the bottom of this page if you want PICASA, it's quick and easy to organize all the pics on your computer---and it's free! ! !)

 

Ask Andy

All about Assertiveness and
how it helps you Succeed

Dear Andy

Because of probably being too passive a person, I worry that I'm missing out on work-related opportunities, and yet I'm an ambitious person.
Probably Too Passive

Dear Probably Too Passive

Being too passive does often lead to lost opportunities at work, possibly even missed promotions, and failures in one's personal life. Your awareness of the need to be more assertive is a start. Now be open to the next step to learn and to be assertive in a polite and appropriate way.

You might suggest a project that you know would mean progress in your business and offer to head the project. This should lead to more success in life and less resentment about letting the parade pass you by.
Andy

Dear Andy

I fear being aggressive and unattractive in the way I express myself, as I don't like strident people.
Fear Being Aggressive

Dear Fear Being Aggressive

Sometimes it does take practice and self-awareness to be certain you are communicating in a politely assertive way, as opposed to a strident or aggressive manner. If you empathize with others and be alert to demanding or domineering flaws in self-expression, you will likely see and feel a difference in yourself and very quickly.
Andy

Welcome. So glad you found us.

Please leave a comment if you like,
and we hope you will find the articles
and ads to be of help and will come back often.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

and don't miss a new blog:

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
fly away with me in your imagination and see
some of the most beautiful places on earth
http://dreamy-destinations.blogspot.com
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Please click on the image below if you want
to see it in larger style. Thank you for visiting.

(Note: I use Google's free pic program to place the photos on my blog. Please click
at the bottom of this page if you want PICASA, it's quick and easy to organize all the pics on your computer---and it's free! ! !)

 

Because no-fear public speaking and successful assertiveness

relate to self-esteem and self-confidence,

today I am suggesting books closely related to those topics by two of my favorite authors:

Gayle and Hugh Prather

Morning Notes by Hugh Prather

The Little Book of Letting Go by Hugh Prather

Shining Through by Hugh Prather

Spiritual Notes to Myself by Hugh Prather

How to Live in the World and Still Be Happy by Hugh Prather

I Will Never Leave You by Gayle and Hugh Prather

Spiritual Parenting by Gayle and Hugh Prather

Notes to Myself by Hugh Prather

 

Assertiveness

The aim of assertiveness is to find the best possible solution for all people. It's about finding 'win:win' solutions. Assertiveness sees everyone as equal with equal rights and equal responsibilities.

Assertiveness increases the chances of our needs being met. If we are able to tell people what we want without becoming aggressive they will be more likely to help us. Also, if they can't help us and we are able to accept that without becoming aggressive they will remain friends.

II Assertiveness allows us to remain in control. We can decide for ourselves what we want to do and then seek out opportunities to do it – or to do something similar. It puts us back in the driving seat.

III Assertiveness brings greater self-confidence. As we learn to take control and see what we can achieve our confidence increases. This in turn increases our feelings of self worth and self esteem. We begin to feel better – more effective.

IV Assertiveness lets us have greater confidence in others. This is because it also helps others to state their needs and wants. By dealing honestly and fairly with them we encourage them to do the same with us.

V Assertive people have more friends. As we begin to treat people more fairly they begin to trust us, to like us and to want to spend more time with us. We make friends who truly respect us instead of walking all over us (passivity) or fearing us (aggression).

VI Reduced stress. The more in control we feel the less stressed we feel. We don't need to worry about doing things we'd rather not. We don't have to let other people control us. Nor do we have to worry about trying to control other people. We have the power to choose our own destiny.

Welcome. So glad you found us.

Please leave a comment if you like,
and we hope you will find the articles
and ads to be of help and will come back often.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

and don't miss a new blog:

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
fly away with me in your imagination and see
some of the most beautiful places on earth
http://dreamy-destinations.blogspot.com
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

 

Quotes on Self-Esteem


"Reflect on your present blessings, of which every man has many, not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some."

Charles Dickens

"Nurture your mind with great thoughts, for you will never go any higher than you think."

Benjamin Disraeli

"If you want a quality, act as if you already had it."

William James

"Never bend your head. Always hold it high. Look the world straight in the face."

Helen Keller

and don't miss two blogs that will
help neck, back and shoulder pain:

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
http://backbebetter.blogspot.com
http://achingbackrelaxed.blogspot.com
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =