Do Not Let Your Anxieties Overcome Your Self-Confidence

by: Stan Popovich

Some people who struggle with anxiety may sometimes lose their self esteem and self-confidence during the process. As a result, here is a list of techniques a person can use to help manage their anxieties, fears, and self esteem.

Remember that practice makes perfect. Whenever it comes to dealing with your anxieties or any other task; practice, patience, and persistence is the name of the game. If you don't get the desired results the first time around, then keep trying until you do get the results. Through practice, you will become better at the task at hand and your self-confidence will increase. This also applies to managing your anxieties.

In every anxiety-related situation you experience,

• begin to learn what works,
  
• what doesn't work, and
  
• what you need to improve on in managing your fears and anxieties.
  

For instance, you have a lot of anxiety and you decide to take a walk to help you feel better. The next time you feel anxious you can remind yourself that you got through it the last time by taking a walk. This will give you the confidence to manage your anxiety the next time around.

Sometimes, we can get anxious over a task that we will have to perform in the near future. When this happens, visualize yourself doing the task in your mind.

For instance, you and your team have to play in the championship volleyball game in front of a large group of people in the next few days. Before the big day comes, imagine yourself playing the game in your mind. Imagine that you're playing in front of a large audience. By playing the game in your mind, you will be better prepared to perform for real when the time comes.

Self-Visualization is a great way to reduce the fear and stress of a coming situation and increase your self-confidence.

 

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Because no-fear public speaking
and successful assertiveness

relate to self-esteem and self-confidence,

today I am suggesting books closely related to those topics by two of my favorite authors:

Gayle and Hugh Prather


Morning Notes by Hugh Prather

The Little Book of Letting Go by Hugh Prather

Shining Through by Hugh Prather

Spiritual Notes to Myself by Hugh Prather

How to Live in the World and Still Be Happy by Hugh Prather

I Will Never Leave You by Gayle and Hugh Prather

Spiritual Parenting by Gayle and Hugh Prather

Notes to Myself by Hugh Prather

 

Ask Andy

All about Assertiveness and how it helps you Succeed

Dear Andy

I've tried to be more assertive for years, but I still feel bitter at times that others often use me or walk over me. I know this deprives me of what I need and deserve, but I don't know what else to do.

Need and Deserve

Dear Need and Deserve

You may need to make a plan, get books for guidance or talk to a professional about learning to express yourself more assertively and more effectively. This sometimes takes a good deal of work to build self-esteem and self-confidence, keys to being more assertive.
There are examples of famous people such as actress Jane Fonda, who said it took her years to become more assertive and get over the "disease to please." Don't berate or demean yourself for what's past, but move forward with steps to tell people your desires and needs in a politely assertive, but firm manner. Then, others will respect your wishes and be more accomodating. There are books listed on this blog which could offer a helpful start for your plan.

Andy

Dear Andy

I know I'm not as assertive as I should be. I wonder how much a weak self-image or lacking confidence is the root cause?

Lacking Confidence

Dear Lacking Confidence

Everyone down deep lacks confidence at times from presidents to professors to high-wire walkers. There is an old saying: "never let them see you sweat." Maybe you need to learn to be more assertive by taking an inventory of your self-image. List the areas where you have strengths and have had successes, and also note where your life plan needs work.
This can be a good jump start on more self-confidence and self-esteem. If you don't feel you're making progress in a reasonable time, it is possible talking to a professional would be beneficial.

Andy

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The great photo below is, to me,
assertive, courageous, patriotic.

This is the design of the buildings
that will surround the original site
of the World Trade Center in New York.

 

Book List


The Assertiveness Workbook: How to Express Your Ideas and Stand Up for Yourself at Work and in Relationships
Randy J. Paterson Ph.D.


Book Description
This self-directed program teaches readers to speak up and say what they mean at work and at home. Written supportively, it uses proven cognitive behavioral techniques to help individuals build self-confidence, set boundaries, and determine appropriate responses.



Complete Idiot's Guide to Assertiveness (The Complete Idiot's Guide) (Paperback)
by MBA, CMC, Jeff Davidson

Book Description
This book gives a boost to anyone who has has felt paralyzed in the face of an opposing viewpoint or an imposing individual. Individuals can at last express their ideas, stand up for themselves in relationships (spouses, parents, in-laws, kids) and at work (managers), and get attention in the business world. Readers learn how to build self-confidence and find out when its appropriateand often essentialto be assertive.

Jeff Davidson, MBA, CMC, is author of 18 books, including The Complete Idiots Guide to Managing Stress and The Complete Idiots Guide to Managing Your Time. He lives in Chapel Hill, North Carolina

 

Ask Andy

All about Assertiveness and how it helps you Succeed

Dear Andy

Because of probably being too passive a person, I worry that I'm missing out on work-related opportunities, and yet I'm an ambitious person.
Probably Too Passive

Dear Probably Too Passive

Being too passive does often lead to lost opportunities at work, possibly even missed promotions, and failures in one's personal life. Your awareness of the need to be more assertive is a start. Now be open to the next step to learn and to be assertive in a polite and appropriate way.

You might suggest a project that you know would mean progress in your business and offer to head the project. This should lead to more success in life and less resentment about letting the parade pass you by.
Andy

Dear Andy

I fear being aggressive and unattractive in the way I express myself, as I don't like strident people.
Fear Being Aggressive

Dear Fear Being Aggressive

Sometimes it does take practice and self-awareness to be certain you are communicating in a politely assertive way, as opposed to a strident or aggressive manner. If you empathize with others and be alert to demanding or domineering flaws in self-expression, you will likely see and feel a difference in yourself and very quickly.
Andy

 

Tips To Improve Your Self-Confidence

by: Thomas Bekkar

Self-confidence is an important key to success in any walk of life. People with self-confidence are noticed more. They achieve their goals relatively easily. In contrast, people who lack self-confidence often end up being losers. You need to build your self-confidence if you want to do well in life.

Here are tips that can help you build that sometimes elusive self-confidence:

1. Self-confidence is found in people who have a healthy self-esteem. They know their personal worth, and act accordingly. A good way to improve your personal worth is to make a list of your accomplishments every day. You will be surprised to know how many positive acts you perform every day in life, but which you don't notice. Once you start looking at this list, your self-confidence will boom.

2. Be clear about your goals. If need be, break your goals into smaller, more manageable tasks. Pat yourself every time you achieve a minor goal. It will boost your self-confidence and help you achieve bigger goals.

3. Find a mentor who can help you reach your goals. Most people, who have done well in life, have a mentor who has traveled the same road on which they are traveling today. Meet your mentor regularly and seek advice and support as a routine. You will find that you are learning something valuable every day.

4. Socialize with people who are positive and supportive, who like and respect you. Give them the same support and respect that they give you. Avoid people who are negative and critical of you. Such people erode your self-confidence. They make you look at your negative self, and not your positive self. After some time, you get enveloped in their cynical and negative world-view. Nothing can be more damaging than that. Dump such friends as soon as you can.

5. Don't be afraid of failures. Take them in your stride and move on. Say to yourself that you will succeed the next time. Never make the mistake of allowing your failures to overwhelm you. They will force you into a shell and destroy your self-confidence. A better way is to see your failures as something inconsequential, and take on a new challenge. Of course, you must learn from your mistakes and be realistic about your abilities. People who try to over-reach often fall down. You should not allow that to happen in the name of self-confidence.

6. Keep yourself fit by exercising regularly and controlling your diet. A fit and healthy person is much more active and achieves more in work. Physical fitness, like self-confidence, glows on your face.

7. Have a wide range of interests, and take an active interest in what's going on in the world. Meet and talk to a lot of people. Don't focus all your attention only on your work and on your problems. Divert your attention to new interests, and new tasks. This will keep your mind happily occupied, and boost your self-confidence.

 

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Assertiveness Vs. Aggressiveness


Think of assertiveness as being firm, but polite. It's a mindset that says "I want to win, but I'm not going to walk over you to do it-I'm going to respect what you want and work to help you win also."

Aggressiveness, on the other hand, is firm but impolite. The aggressive person says "I'm going to win, and I don't care if you get what you want." Milder forms are more ambivalent: "I don't care whether or not you get your needs met." Full-court press aggressiveness wants the other person to lose no matter what.

By the way, non-assertiveness is polite (considerate of other people's perspectives), but not firm-that is, unwilling to stand up for one's own needs. Non-assertive people need to understand the differences between assertiveness and aggressiveness so that when they do step forward to get their needs met they don't go overboard and step on everyone else.

Article Continues Below after Photo

 

Usually it's here where the formerly uninitiated says, "Oh, I get it now!" If that's you, congratulations and welcome to the club. To further your understanding, here are a few more differentiators to help you choose assertiveness over aggressiveness:

Aggressive conduct: Glares or stares at others
Assertive conduct: Makes friendly, considerate eye contact

Aggressive conduct: Intimidates others with body language
Assertive conduct: Shows confident body language that matches the message

Aggressive conduct: Has an air of inflexibly-"my way or the highway"
Assertive conduct: States one's needs, but genuinely considers other perspectives

Aggressive conduct: Strives to control others
Assertive conduct: Strives to listen to and work with others

Aggressive conduct: Considers other's perspectives only when demanded to do so
Assertive conduct: Considers other's perspectives without needing to be asked

Aggressive conduct: Values one's self more than others
Assertive conduct: Values self as an equal to others

Aggressive conduct: Will intimidate or even hurt others to avoid being hurt
Assertive conduct: Tries to hurt no one (including self)

Aggressive conduct: Reaches goals usually on the backs of others
Assertive conduct: Strives to reach goals, and help others reach their goals, too

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Book suggestion to develop
more assertiveness.

How To Develop Self-Confidence
And A Positive Self-Image
Permanently and Forever

By Dr. Michael S. Broder

Imagine for a moment having unshakable self-confidence. How would you change your life? Success - in all aspects of life - begins with self-confidence. Think about the successful people you know - those who can consistently make their dreams come true. Isn't self-confidence and a winning self-image the one thing they practically all have in common?

Now for the good news. Those traits can be learned! They are all within your reach.
"How To Develop Self-Confidence and a Positive Self-Image" cuts right to the chase.

How? By giving you the clinically-proven strategies, tools, and techniques to develop mastery over your beliefs and attitudes that ultimately determine your self-image and degree of self-esteem.

You can always count on Oprah.

Not only is she a model of pride
and assertiveness, but also when
you consider how far she has come,
you can easily see how self-confidence
develops and its rewards.

My philosophy is that not only are you responsible for your life, but doing the best at this moment puts you in the best place for the next moment.
Oprah Winfrey

The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.
Oprah Winfrey

Think like a queen. A queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another steppingstone to greatness.
Oprah Winfrey

Turn your wounds into wisdom.
Oprah Winfrey

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